Saturday, March 28, 2009

My Optical Life History

All other things I should be writing notwithstanding, I'm taking a break from my papers and projects and writing something else. I came across these old pictures and couldn't resist the diversion...

It began in 4th grade, when my older sister left her glasses sitting on my dad's desk. I picked them up and put them on. (Who could resist the purple-tinted, big-as-saucers, late-80's frames? Not I.) I looked around and exclaimed, "Oh my gosh! I can see the stereo buttons from here! And the lights aren't blobs!" It wasn't but a few days later, and this was me:

As beautiful and wonderful as my peach-colored frames were, (chosen because I had rationalized to myself that they were the same color as my skin and could thereby go undetected...) I eventually abandoned the deception in middle school and talked my parents into dark blue, I-am-wearing-windowpanes frames. Ah, yeah.

In my family, it was extremely hard to get a new pair of glasses. With five others in spectacles, insurance wasn't exactly accommodating to changing fads. So, it wasn't until mid-high school and a highly unfortunate event where my lens popped from my broken (yet black, electrical-taped-together) frame, and rolled the length of the auditorium and I, embarrassed to the point of tears, had to announce the problem, and then retrieve it. In teenage fashion, I sobbed to my mom that it was time for a change, and she finally agreed.

Here we are, my brother and I, in the height of mid-90's eyewear fashion. Mine are Guess brand, and his- are awesome too. Who didn't have a pair of wire frames? The sad news is that I continued to wear these through college. Although by then, I had contacts, and (wisely) chose to wear those most of the time.

Those huge-o's lasted a long time. It wasn't until I had been married for a number of years that I convinced Jeff I needed new frames. It wasn't that he wasn't convinced of their hideousness, it was that we were barely scraping by and these suckers aren't cheap! But, we went to one of those hour-eyewear places, and soon I was sportin' yet another new look. If my last pair had been Huge-o-spectacle-ism, these were post-huge-o-spectacle-ism; or, the answer to the prior movement. I went as small as possible!

Those frames, while cheap, turned out to be (shock!) pieces of crap. They were lopsided and flimsy, falling apart quickly. My next ones were these green Hush Puppies. This picture is terrible, BTW. Most all the pics I have are of me in contacts- perhaps I wasn't eager to document my glasses crises?

The next frames were these. I really liked them pretty well. They served their purpose with diligence and consistency. And here, I'm holding my cousin Will's baby last year. She is sooo cute!

As much as I liked the other frames, I eventually needed "English Major Glasses." These made me look like a serious student--and they also successfully covered up the enormous bags I'd developed under my eyes from consecutive late nights spent reading and writing.

So finally, here I am, going under the knife/laser for vision correction surgery. No more stumbling around looking for glasses; no more stinging, itchy contact lenses; no more losing contacts while boating or skiing; no more steamed glasses upon entering rooms or eating soup; no more lenses rolling down auditorium isles. Hallelujah, it's a modern miracle! (But being totally honest, I do miss my cute, English major glasses sometimes...)


alisyn said...

How exciting! I hope you love it as much as Andra did/does.

Cindy said...

OOps--sorry Amber, that last comment was from me and not from the last person logged in on my computer!

I was also going to say that I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who had really *big* glasses!

Amber said...

That was hilarious! It made me grateful for my very fortunate lack of optical problems.

(By the way, when did you and Chelsy have professional photos taken together??)

Rachel said...

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I'm thrilled you decided to take a break! And I remember clearly the high school era glasses. And also when you got contacts. Especially since contacts kind of freak me out. Not as much as laser surgery though. You are very brave. Ech! I'm going to have the shakes right here and now considering it!

I hope you love it though!

Jessica G. said...

My kids are doomed to wear glasses most of their lives. Maybe along with their college funds, we should start one for lasik.

Grant and Stacy said...

Lasik was the best thing to happen to Grant, and our marriage! You know, they do have glass lenses you can put in the frames so you can wear them to look smart. And BTW, I think you look HOT in all the glasses!

Jessica said...

Glad to hear your surgery was successful and you are glasses free! I owned some huge old lenses too until well into our marriage-in fact it was only about 4 years ago that I was convinced to get something new! :) By the way, I loved all the pics and the story!

J said...

Ah yes, how easily life can be documented with the styles of our glasses. :) I can remember almost every pair of yours! (How great is THAT?!?) And, this is Misty BTW, blogger won't let me sign in as me!

g*na said...

Amber, you're beautiful no matter what and when! :) Oh-glasses and the joyousness that comes with them... Thanks for the fun to read!
Love you!

Joe and Melissa Vega said...

Amber this post brought back many memories of you. Remember prom when you took your glasses off for your pic but had to put them on for the dinner/dance so you wouldn't be blind. You looked hot in that dress btw.

I will always remember the blue glasses. Those were fun times.

I am happy for you though to be free from your lenses. It will be a whole new world:)

Love ya!

G said...

HAHAHAHA!!!! Amber, that was awesome. I love the first pair. Big as saucers! Perfect.

susette said...

what i find amusing, is how many of these looks i do remember, considering the couple of years age difference between us growing up meant that i had little to no contact with i don't think you look hideous in any of those pics, btw